Even as recent as 12 years ago when my husband and I went through foster-to-adopt training at our local Child Services agency, there was no discussion about how adoptive parenting is different than biological parenting. I am seeing a greater awareness now as adoptive parents have greater access to proper training and blogs written by adoptees and adoptive parents who understand.
Personally, I believe love is love. When we love, we use our brain, our emotions, our actions and our commitment to the person to demonstrate it. Love is an action. So I believe the first sentence in this article is misleading. A mother may or may not love in the same way; however, what is really being asked is, "Does she love a biological child more?"
Ever read The Child Called It? David Pelzer's biological mother loved her other children more than she loved David (truly, it's fair to say, she may not have not loved him at all). David was the scrapegoat and a target of abuse, such as being put in a bathtub full of bleach and locked in the basement regularly, while his biological father turned a blind eye to his abuse.
It is very common in abusive and neglectful families, for a particular child to be a target. Being non-biologically related to the father is a risk factor for all children across the board for a greater risk of abuse. Being perceived as different makes one a target for bullying at school and at home. So there is that; however, I do not believe we can make a leap to declaring that mothers love in a different way, depending on whether a child is biological or not.
Nancy Verrier discusses the difference in bonding:
"Nancy Verrier, author of The Primal Wound: Understanding the Adopted Child, believes that all children who are separated from their mother suffer a trauma that will affect their bond with their new parents, regardless of the age at which they enter that new family. "I wouldn't say that I love my adopted daughter or my biological daughter differently - I would do just about anything for either of them - but I would definitely say the bond is different and I know now that is inevitable," she says. "An adopted child has had their bond with their mother broken once, so they're not going to let it happen again."
4. Answering Lots of Questions about Birth Family and Adoption
I consider it a privilege that my daughter asks me questions surrounding her adoption and birth family and that I am able to provide her with answers, relationships and information.