tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8950217803502790967.post2359806135196551202..comments2024-03-13T03:27:17.972-07:00Comments on Lynn Grubb: Positive and Negative Adoption Language: Who is Making the Rules?Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8950217803502790967.post-28082969687751810902015-07-25T08:54:55.419-07:002015-07-25T08:54:55.419-07:00A lot of the "negative" terms seem calcu...A lot of the "negative" terms seem calculated to make adoptive parents comfortable, not adoptees. Particularly "reunion" and "is adopted." I see Lori's point, above, and I think that's an excellent way to approach adoption as a non-adoptee -- that a child was adopted by her adoptive parents. That neutrally describes what happened, and leaves the choice of identity ("is adopted") or event ("was adopted") up to the adoptee. I think I default to "I'm adopted," personally, but far be it for me to insist that anyone else include it as an identifier.<br /><br />I'm going to defend reunion, though, as true and apparently uncomfortable for that adoptive mother. I hope she gets over it. Her kids know how she feels. We always do. For me, reunion hasn't always been a magical wonderland, but it IS a reunion. What we are doing now is finding our way back towards one another.Yanhttp://www.legallyfictionalreality.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8950217803502790967.post-56251625045045184062015-07-25T08:47:02.784-07:002015-07-25T08:47:02.784-07:00It's very helpful to have this insight. Thanks...It's very helpful to have this insight. Thanks, Lynn.Lori Lavender Luzhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15394441222262940632noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8950217803502790967.post-70130258832576671392015-07-25T05:19:02.483-07:002015-07-25T05:19:02.483-07:00Joanne, you bring up some excellent points which m...Joanne, you bring up some excellent points which made me think about this adoption language stuff when I was growing up. I don't think my mother mentioned my "other mother" even one time in conversation. She would usually answer any questions I had with, "I don't know" She was never disparaging about my birth mother, but it was just a subject that never came up. In fact, now that I think about it, this LIST was almost not necessary in the culture I grew up in. It must be something about how adoption culture has changed that necessitates people to make lists at all. I'm not sure exactly what that is. <br /><br />And that is an even better point, our choice or words (and the tone of voice) just needs to be made with respect to others. You can say anything, no matter how difficult, with kindness and without embarrassing someone for using the "wrong word". <br />Lynnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15575558244573598420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8950217803502790967.post-33523185740126395192015-07-25T05:14:18.989-07:002015-07-25T05:14:18.989-07:00Thanks for sharing that, Lori. I think you are co...Thanks for sharing that, Lori. I think you are correct that "adopted" is also a verb meaning an action that parents took; however, one of the things I see a lot in my adoptee support groups is that many adoptees state that they "wake up every morning and are still adopted". Whether they view this as a good thing or a bad thing depends on the person; however, adoption is also seen as a thing that was "done to us" - not necessarily negative or positive (again, depending on the person's view) -- it just is. Lynnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15575558244573598420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8950217803502790967.post-41878692973552706292015-07-24T20:54:51.432-07:002015-07-24T20:54:51.432-07:00Thought-provoking post, Lynn. I don't usually ...Thought-provoking post, Lynn. I don't usually read any blog posts first thing in the morning before I am fully awake, but "The Adoption List" really bothered me. I spent my entire childhood not talking about being adopted in fear I would have hurt or offended my mom. That is not a healthy parent-child relationship. I can't even remember the two times mom even mentioned that I had another mother what she would have called her. It certainly wouldn’t have come across as bad or negative to me had she called her either natural or birth mother. I just needed her to become a "real" person who gave birth to me and couldn't for some reason raise me as her child. In my opinion, those individuals making up the “proper words/rules” and throwing them out there like they are set in cement couldn’t have possibly walked in some of our shoes as adoptees, where everything was wrong and forbidden. I have often wondered how I am supposed to differentiate between them when I had four “absent” fathers and two mothers who were all not there for me. I assure my choice of words would never be out of disrespect for others, but that it is my truth.JoAnne Bennetthttp://storiesbyjb.com/who-would-it-be/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8950217803502790967.post-74004519545115561312015-07-24T12:19:21.636-07:002015-07-24T12:19:21.636-07:00"Reunion" as a negative word? I'd ha..."Reunion" as a negative word? I'd have to know more about why she think this, but the site is down now. Seems innocuous and accurate to me.<br /><br />Also, "disclosure"?<br /><br />Your take on is/was adopted is interesting to me. I had the notion that "adopted" was more of a verb for what PARENTS did than an adjective for who the kids ARE, so I have avoided saying "he's adopted" in favor of "they adopted him." So knowing that you feel is it IS part of your identity and that it DOES go on for life, well, that may mean I need to reconsider.Lori Lavender Luzhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15394441222262940632noreply@blogger.com