tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8950217803502790967.post3666518365780517001..comments2024-03-13T03:27:17.972-07:00Comments on Lynn Grubb: Should open adoption agreements be enforceable?Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger16125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8950217803502790967.post-12235910144468031342013-08-02T03:50:04.490-07:002013-08-02T03:50:04.490-07:00I have to disagree with you Anon -- not that open ...I have to disagree with you Anon -- not that open adoption can be difficult, because I'm sure many times it is difficult; however if a child grows up knowing his/her bio family, how it is any different than knowing a cousin or uncle? One more person to love you (assuming they are a positive influence). Can you see how closed adoption contributed to your feelings of being MAD your bio family found you? Had you not been kept secret from them, knowing them would have been natural and not a big deal. There would have been no finding. We can all choose who we want and don't want in our lives as adults; however, we should not assume children (who are naturally accepting of all people) would feel confused or uncomfortable knowing their original families. It's natural and normal to know biological family. For every adoptee who feels like you, there are plenty who wish they had known their biological family. <br /><br />However, this blog post is not about personal preference or your or my opinion about what is "best for children". People enter into open adoption agreements and then back out of them. If you make a promise to enter into an open adoption, there should be recourse if you then decide to change your mind. These agreements should be legally binding -- not just some half-witted promise made because you want somebody else's baby. <br /><br />I'm certain there are some open adoptions that are not positive for children, but each case and family is different and neither you or I have a right to deem what is best for ALL children. I know for MY child, knowing where she comes from is a positive. For myself, knowing where I come from and meeting my birth mother was something I needed. Do I know how it would have been had they been in my life? No -- because that ship has sailed. <br /><br />But your opinion is coming from a limited view -- closed adoption. Many children are adopted later when they already know biological family and/or are adopted by relatives (as in my daughter's case). <br /><br /><br /><br />Lynnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15575558244573598420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8950217803502790967.post-72222826397680331592013-08-01T13:33:18.086-07:002013-08-01T13:33:18.086-07:00I'm an adoptee... I honestly would NOT have wa...I'm an adoptee... I honestly would NOT have wanted my bio family in my life. How confusing and uncomfortable that would have been growing up! Emotionally, it would have been too much for me. I was MAD that they were somehow able to find me after I turned 18. It's not that they are bad people, it's just that I have a life and a family of my own. Sometimes we have to think about what is REALLY best for adopted children... and open adoptions, in my opinion, are not what is best for the children. I completely understand wanting photos and updates, but to be a part of their lives?? That's so difficult for EVERYONE involved, most importantly, the children.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8950217803502790967.post-10115337950672626792013-07-27T17:55:36.044-07:002013-07-27T17:55:36.044-07:00Thanks for sharing, Cathy and Connie. . . .it sadd...Thanks for sharing, Cathy and Connie. . . .it saddens me that open adoptions close after promises have been made. It's not right.<br />Lynnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15575558244573598420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8950217803502790967.post-78824661081775282102013-07-21T19:10:17.279-07:002013-07-21T19:10:17.279-07:00Here is my blog about my son who was adopted I was...Here is my blog about my son who was adopted I was told it was very much going to be an open adoption and the couple swore on god we have a part in his life we even signed the papers but the min they had him we never see him again please help get this law passed so i can see my sweet baby again <br />http://hotsot24.blogspot.com/Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13460049812794952570noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8950217803502790967.post-83700582499140374142013-07-14T19:55:54.776-07:002013-07-14T19:55:54.776-07:00The bottom line is and truth is.. open adoption is...The bottom line is and truth is.. open adoption is a joke if u dnt hav a lawyer, im mad can u tell<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8950217803502790967.post-58565268797633212062013-07-14T19:52:03.817-07:002013-07-14T19:52:03.817-07:00I know another family who honor the grand parents ...I know another family who honor the grand parents and the birth mom and live across the country, but I really got taken the laws hav to tightenAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8950217803502790967.post-67315962069675907462013-07-14T19:47:27.308-07:002013-07-14T19:47:27.308-07:00so how do we legally hold them accountable?so how do we legally hold them accountable?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8950217803502790967.post-75686108056466334732013-07-14T19:45:58.878-07:002013-07-14T19:45:58.878-07:00judges only listen to lawyers, and to make matters...judges only listen to lawyers, and to make matters worse they were supposed to give me a copy of the home study, and the background chec, we never got it. now I find out the adoptive mother had ms the whole time. im devastated at the selfishness.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8950217803502790967.post-53198127185520417782013-07-14T19:42:41.492-07:002013-07-14T19:42:41.492-07:00yes I convinced my 15 yr old daughter to agree to ...yes I convinced my 15 yr old daughter to agree to openadoption, never again, they deceived us from day 1 convinced us they would honor our wishes then use every excuse possible to not let us see herAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8950217803502790967.post-13172113170536711522013-03-05T11:38:18.675-08:002013-03-05T11:38:18.675-08:00I have a foster to adopt 13 yr old with an open ad...I have a foster to adopt 13 yr old with an open adoption though her birth mom doesn't stay in contact much, she could. My new daughter is being adopted with an open private adoption and her entire birth family is involved, we are even going to go there for holidays. I am not threatened by this at all and it just means more people to love her. They do not expect me to do things there way i am her mother but so is her birth mom. I believe that they are giving me a huge gift by letting them raise this beautiful little girl and I feel it would be cruel to them to just disapear with her, how would that benefit anyone. She will grow up knowing that she is loved and wanted and always has been, and that she is loved and cared about by many people. I am not threatened by this she will still know my husband and I are the ones that were there for her day by day, she is our little princess.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8950217803502790967.post-1640384830271323342013-02-24T06:34:26.127-08:002013-02-24T06:34:26.127-08:00Absolutely open adoption agreements should be enfo...Absolutely open adoption agreements should be enforceable. As you say, it would present no threat to honorable people.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8950217803502790967.post-21711637516974942102013-02-14T07:47:23.343-08:002013-02-14T07:47:23.343-08:00There is also Legal Aid and lawyers who volunteer ...There is also Legal Aid and lawyers who volunteer their time through the Bar Associations.<br />Lynnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15575558244573598420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8950217803502790967.post-22045821597908280012013-02-14T07:41:36.767-08:002013-02-14T07:41:36.767-08:00I agree about the financial situation. Most avera...I agree about the financial situation. Most average earners can't afford attorneys, which is why the adoption agency and/or a mediation center would be a better venue.Lynnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15575558244573598420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8950217803502790967.post-79428601940041388742013-02-14T07:40:47.868-08:002013-02-14T07:40:47.868-08:00Those are some great questions . . . I don't h...Those are some great questions . . . I don't have any answers however in custody law, if a parent refuses to visit, you can't force them. I've seen cases where the other parent will request to end the visits of the non-visiting parent when they aren't being taken advantage of and I've seen Judge's agree to it. For the most part in custody law, the parents are expected to send the child even when they don't want to go visit; however, I'm sure once a child is a certain age, or under certain circumstances, Judges will not force a child. Sadly, from what I've experienced in the legal field, most kids don't get much say in visitation.<br />Lynnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15575558244573598420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8950217803502790967.post-369639925557577002013-02-13T13:09:25.201-08:002013-02-13T13:09:25.201-08:00I definitely think that these agreements should be...I definitely think that these agreements should be enforceable. Otherwise, they can just be used as a ruse to get the natural mother to surrender. I do wonder though about the practicality. If the n-mother has to pay an attorney to ensure her rights, this may not be economically feasible. After all, one of the main reasons for giving up the child in the first place is the n-mother's financial situation.Robinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8950217803502790967.post-56368572559409570332013-02-13T09:35:59.155-08:002013-02-13T09:35:59.155-08:00Some people will howl but I agree these agreements...Some people will howl but I agree these agreements must be enforced. It is cruel and unethical to promise a mother that she will get to have contact with her child and then slam the door in her face. Does anyone know what happens under the following circumstances when there is an enforced agreement?<br /><br />- the original mother begins closing the adoption<br />- visits with the original family upset the child and he or she declines contact <br /><br />Know these situations are in the minority but just wondered about everybody's rights and obligations in those situations. Fluffynoreply@blogger.com