Things I'd like to ask 23 and Me

Now that I've had a few weeks to sift through the mounds of DNA information regarding my health, my ancestry and my 900 plus cousins all over the world, the information is starting to settle in. As I was doing dishes today, I started thinking about all the questions I'd like to ask 23 and me, if I had a personal consultant to discuss these results with.

1.  Is there a gene for fat arms?  Because I haven't worn a sleeveless shirt in public for about 15 years.  If there is, where did it come from?  All the women on my mother's side are pretty slim.  I probably have some paternal aunt out there with jiggly Oprah arms.

2.  Is there a fat gene that I'm missing?  Your results state I have a slightly lower than average chance of obesity.  So why am I am fat?  Oh, yeah.  I probably ate too much.

3.  Now that I know that I have 3 markers to increase my odds of high blood pressure, does this mean I have to start exercising? 

4.  How does knowing my 950 fifth cousins help me find my birth father? 

5.  Why do you lump East Asian with Native American?  I'm really confused. 

6.   I know you locked my Alzheimer's results and for good reason.  I won't be unlocking those anytime soon (I'm too scared to open them).

7.  I was brave and opened the BRCA breast cancer/ovarian cancer gene.  I was negative (Phew!  I spent 25 years worrying about those two).  I know this doesn't mean I won't get breast cancer or ovarian cancer, and don't worry -- i will still get my paps and mammograms, but you don't know what a relief these results really are to me.

8.  I was negative for the locked Parkinson's marker.  Another relief.  Thank you.

9.  I have a .6% greater than average risk of bipolar disorder in my lifetime.  Should I call a shrink now just in case?

10.  Do these results come with a money-back guarantee?  I definitely think I got my money's worth, but I really need a first cousin or sibling match, ok?  Can you work on that please?

11. Thank you for telling me I'm Irish.  Family Tree DNA failed to mention that.

12.  Can you please just tell me who the baby-daddy is?

Thank you.

Your satisfied customer,

Lynn Grubb


  1. 3. Yes. So should I.
    5. Real Americans descend (mainly) of people whose ancestors lived in East-Asia. Their genes represent that.
    9. .6%? Does not seem significant, no shrink yet, but watch it.
    12. Only in cases of a limited number of suspects.


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