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Showing posts from 2014

12 Reasons We Need to #Flip the Script for National Adoption Awareness Month

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www.thelostdaughters.com As part of the Lost Daughters  bloggers, I wanted to take the opportunity to shine a light on our Flip the Script campaign. As Amanda Woolsten states in the video below: "We are missing a bigger part of the picture -- that bigger part is adoptees who can tell everyone what living adoption is actually like. We need to flip the script because right now adoption agencies, professionals, and adoptive parents are doing most of the talking. ..... Flip the Script says: What if it was me? What if it was us that got to do the talking? and everyone just listened.   What would we stand to gain if we did that?  I argue, we would gain alot." 1.   We are not children anymore , Rosita points out. When you are in your 40's, it gets old when people keep referring to you as "an adopted child".  I am an adult and I can handle my affairs like adults do.  I deserve to have the same birth documents that everyone else has and to be ab

Flip the Script @National Adoption Month

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Some of my fellow Lost Daughters got together and talked about what we hope for the future of National Adoption Month. It's time adoptees were listened to. #Flip the Script

On Penning My Letter for Dear Wonderful You: Letters to Adopted and Fostered Youth

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I am excited to announce that Dear Wonderful You : Letters to Adopted and Fostered Youth (edited by Diane Rene Christian and Mei-Mei Akwai Ellerman, Ph.D) is available for sale on Kindle beginning today! Taking part in this anthology was not only an honor, but an emotional journey in itself.  Penning my letter was difficult. I had to get outside of myself as an adult, with all my opinions and ideas about the world and really take myself back to who I was then - the young, inexperienced and vulnerable pre-teen who was teased for having hair that didn't move (I was accused of using lots of hair spray because of how thick my hair was and is).   I also experienced being made fun of in middle school for being adopted.  Later in high school I was teased when I got my hair cut into the Dorothy Hammel style that was popular at the time.  I somehow inherited the nickname Duck and in 9th grade, people would actually quack at me when I walked by (I know, it's kind of funny now!)

The Three Traumas of Adoption (based on the writings of Betty Jean Lifton)

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Photo credit:  psmag.com I have been re-reading Journey of the Adopted Self by Betty Jean Lifton (psychologist, author, adoptee).  I read it in 2006 at the beginning of my adoption reunion journey. The dedication at the beginning of the book reads like this: "To the memory of my adoptive mother Hilda and my birth Mother Rae who might have known and even liked each other in another life and another adoption system." I love this book.  I experienced so many revelations when reading this book the first time.  It was complete validation for everything I felt growing up and a realization that I am not crazy when I feel wounded, damaged or misplaced for growing up in closed adoption. As I've stated before, my opinion is that closed adoption is a form of emotional abuse.  After re-reading Journey of the Adopted self 8 years later post-reunion, I found that Betty Jean Lifton agrees with me.  She states that telling a child he or she is adopted without "really tel

The Reluctant Latina – How a DNA test can change who you used to think you were

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The Grubbs As I logged into Family Tree DNA, one early spring evening to obtain my long-awaited results to an Autosomal DNA test, I immediately clicked into Population Finder to finally answer the question that had plagued me my whole life:   what is my ethnicity? I fully expected to confirm my Italian roots – an ethnicity I could identify with for many reasons.   One, my adoption paperwork stated that although my father was of Peruvian descent (something that never clicked in my brain the first time I read the paperwork) —his family was noted to be Italian-born.   That bit of info confirmed the opinion of what hundreds of strangers and friends over my lifetime already knew:   “you must be Italian.”     I had already confirmed my European heritage years prior through a paper trail and a reunion with my maternal birth family. Looking in the mirror my whole life, all I saw was a WASP. Population Finder disagreed.   As I sat staring at the computer screen which reveale

The Well-Adjusted Adoptee (and tips on how to raise one)

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Me as a baby I listened to my neighbor describe her two adopted relatives this week, describing the female cousin as  "never acknowledging adoption is an issue and never caring at all about searching"  She described the sibling of this cousin as the one "who has a more difficult time of accepting his adoptedness"  Hearing this made me think to myself, "I bet she thinks the one who never wanted to search or considers adoption a non- issue is the better adjusted one than the one who had difficulties accepting his adoptedness."   The non-adopted have an idea that a well-adjusted adoptee will mold right into the adoptive family without any problems at all; where in fact I would venture to say the opposite can also be true.  The adoptee who  proclaims adoption means nothing or never questions how being adopted affects her identity and relationships  or never wonders how she became part of this particular family may be really showing signs of denial or

Ohio's New Adoption Records Law and Adoption Network Cleveland expanding support group to Miami Valley/Dayton area

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We have 9 months before adopted adults born between 1-1-64 and 9-17-96 can begin to order their adoption files from the state of Ohio.  Even though I am not an Ohio adoptee, Ohio has been my home for four and a half decades and I am ecstatic that my adopted friends will be able to access their adoption files next year.   This is a right that has been a long-time coming. You can begin to order your adoption files by mail only on March 20, 2015 .  Do not mail your requests before this date as they will not be considered prior to opening day. I want to personally thank my Representative Jim Butler, Chair, House Judiciary Committee for supporting Senate Bill 23 and for speaking with me and two other adult adoptees about our concerns and opinions at the beginning of this journey. He was supportive and informative and has renewed my faith in our legislative process. I am also excited to announce a new Adoption-Related Support Meeting being held in my hometown, Dayton, Ohio.  Becky Dr

What To Do When Your Birth Mother Refuses Contact or Vital Information

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This topic has become dear to my heart because as many of you know who read my blog, I have been in a position to be refused information.  Actually that is the story of my whole life as an adoptee -- being refused information, so you would think I would be used to it by now! However, God blessed me with a tenacity of steel and many smart friends who are also tenacious, information seekers.  One of my friends and I found a birth mother yesterday in less than a few hours, and located her Facebook profile, complete with pictures of all family members.  You can literally go from zero to 100 when it comes to adoption reunion.  (I use the term "reunion" loosely as the term covers any finding of information, just not a meeting of people). So today I want to write about what to do when you hit a road block.  One of the biggest road blocks of all is spending most of your life fantasizing about your birth mother and then being smacked in the face with the realization that she ha