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Showing posts from 2017

Your Story is Not My Story

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I was reading this poignant Dear Adoption, If I Could post today written by a 17-year-old Colombian adoptee.  The feelings are raw; however, I could identify with all of them.  In the comments, there was one that stood out to me which was kind but explanatory of why a child might be given up . . . .the commenter, Cindy, writes,  “Please know that so very many mothers and fathers wanted their children with all their heart and soul.  .  .. . circumstances or forces beyond their control often separated them from the children they loved and wanted. If a family is in severe poverty and no one aids them and there is no hope of help, a parent’s heart will find a way to keep their children alive . . even if it means letting them go to someplace or someone who can ensure they will be fed and cared for.  It’s no ‘choice’ but rather desperate circumstances . . . . . “ On the face of it, this comment seems perfectly true and appears to want to help the original writer to decrease the

I LOVE ADOPTION!!

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Recently, when talking to an adoptive parent and explaining a talk I will be doing in November about supporting adoptive families, the parent exclaimed loudly, “I LOVE ADOPTION!!” It really took me off guard.  He was practically cheerleading me to go out there and promote adoption.  I think I burst his bubble when I then explained that my presentation comes from an adoptee viewpoint first. Dead silence.  With rare exceptions, most people are silent when I mention that I have a different view as an adoptee, or they look at me funny as if to say, “There is another view?” Of course, this parent was not adopted.  And it’s his right to love adoption.   But his comment has weighed on me.  And whenever something weighs on me, I begin writing blogs about it in my sleep, so I decided to get out of bed and put my thoughts on paper (so to speak). This may come as a shock to some, but I don’t love adoption. I am adopted and I don’t love adoption.  Some days I don’t even like adop

To Tell or Not to Tell (About Being Adopted)

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There was a discussion today on Facebook about situations in which adoptees or others within the adoption community come in contact with families who have revealed to them, but not their child, the child's adopted status.  In other words, the family believes that they have not arrived at the "correct" age for telling of this important information. There are various viewpoints and approaches one can take when you become aware of this.  The two most common that come to mind are: 1.  You can choose to say nothing and mind your own business. 2.  You can choose to educate the family from your perspective. #1 is the easy, conflict-avoidant way to be able to go on with your day and (hopefully) not be rehashing this in your head for another week or two.  It is politically correct to stay out of other people's business.  No risk involved.  Move on with your life. #2 is more difficult, because you have to think of a way to approach the situation so that the family is

Adoptee Rights Coalition Heading to Boston, MA

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It's that time of year again for the  Adoptee Rights Coalition  to educate and encourage legislators to restore U.S. adopted citizens' access to their original birth certificates.  Did I say restore?  Yes! At one time, original birth certificates were open and available to their rightful owners -- adopted people!  Mirah Riben wrote an excellent article outlining the issues here: Adoptee Access to Birth Certificates Protects Their Parents' Privacy Some of the issues we have the pleasure of discussing when working at the Adoptee Rights Coalition booth are as follows: *educating that adopted U.S. born citizens have two birth certificates.  The amended (2nd) version is not put in place until after adoption finalization .  Meaning, that the original birth certificate (OBC) is available for a period of time prior to adoption finalization and is therefore not secret.  If an adoption is unsuccessful, then the original birth certificate is not sealed.   *The above

Remembering Adoption Memoirist, Craig Steffen

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(To be read at “The Annual Remembrance of Craig Steffen” 6/25/17) Craig Steffen  I had to talk myself into coming today because I didn’t feel like I truly belonged (it’s an adoptee thing).  As I wrestled with it in my mind, I realized, if I don’t share this story at Craig’s remembrance, there would be nobody to tell this story to as Craig and I did not have any mutual friends nor did we know each other’s families (which then led to the thought . . . post this at your blog!). I knew Craig just barely a year, meeting him the summer of 2015 at The Bellbrook Library at a book signing.  A former co-worker of mine, an author herself, known as the City Skipper Gal , had interviewed Craig and written an article about Craig and posted it on my Facebook wall as she intuited correctly that Craig and I had a lot in common since we were both adopted and enjoyed writing.  The City Skipper Gal had seen my adoption-related blog posts come across her Facebook feed for many years and by 2

Dishing about our reunions, our birth father mysteries, books and more!

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Pam Dixon Kroskie Tuesday night, I was interviewed for my first podcast by Pam Kroskie, President of Indiana Adoptee Network .  In order to plan for the show, I had asked Pam what we would be talking about; however, she prefers to just go with whatever topics come up . . . .so I didn't plan for the talk other than having a copy of The Adoptee Survival Guide sitting next to me on the table. . .  .and the time flew by! I first met Pam face-to-face last month during the inaugural adoption conference (go  here  for a post-conference update!).  It was a life changing event and I urge readers to consider going next year, April 20-21, 2018. Join Pam and I as we discuss our reunions, secrets, our birth father searches, and how much we both love adoption books. Thanks for listening!    Podcast Here

WHIO Reports on Adoption in the Miami Valley

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WHIO Reports Taping 3.16.17 I was really excited to be included in the WHIO Reports segment called Adoption in the Miami Valley (Go here  to see it).  Senator Bill Beagle, Adoptee Becky Drinnen and myself were all chosen for our involvement with Adoption Network Cleveland and their efforts to change a law that disallowed a group of adopted people access to their own records. The show was in response to the new law and to acknowledge the two-year anniversary of the opening of birth certificates and adoption files on March 20, 2017.  I am so pleased to have this story in the media and even more pleased that it was local to where I live and grew up. The video  you see during the show is (above) from the documentary called An Adoptee Roared in Ohio by Jean Strauss that tells the story of Betsie Norris, Executive Director of Adoption Network Cleveland.  I urge you to watch the whole thing.  There is a twist in the story that we didn't have time to get into in the show; howeve

Announcing Indiana Adoptee Network Spring Adoption Conference

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Rhonda Churchill Patty Hawn Brian Stanton performs "BLANK" For more information about the conference and to sign up, go  here

"This is Us" Honors the Complexity of Adoption

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It’s a rare moment when I can turn on a T.V. show that has adoption as part of its storyline and not cringe, roll my eyes and talk back to the T.V. about how they just don’t get it.   Sometimes it’s just downright painful to watch the same old stereotypes and adoption rhetoric play out. I don’t have that same experience when I watch NBC’s This is Us .  In fact, there are so many “ I can’t believe they got it right ” moments that it would take a whole series of blogs to ponder them. What the writers really get, is the complexity, that is adoption.  It appears that the writers did their research and interviewed transracial adoptees and read adoptee blogs to understand the complex experiences of being a transracial adoptee. Here is a list of some of the issues that are addressed in This is Us : *loyalty *fear of loss *abandonment *fear of being different *racial and sexual identity *identity crisis *reunion *family secrets *being gifted *sibling riva