tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8950217803502790967.post1995338506052560749..comments2024-03-13T03:27:17.972-07:00Comments on Lynn Grubb: My (fill in the blank) is Adopted But Is Not Interested in SearchingUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8950217803502790967.post-42166932701869412012017-03-04T13:50:32.222-08:002017-03-04T13:50:32.222-08:00Lynn, thanks for the gift of your honesty and your...Lynn, thanks for the gift of your honesty and your willingness to be the lightning rod so that others may know they are not alone.<br />The pressure to conform to the and-they-lived-happily-ever-after fairy tale is immense. To contemplate the possibility that this is not what happens in adoption rocks the cultural boat. It SCARES people. They are not ready for the truth. People prefer to cover up the complexity and pretend that adoption is an event that cures 3 people's problems--baby, mom and AP-- painlessly and permanently.<br /> Labeling those who search and or speak out as "ungrateful" or "angry" is another subtle way of sustaining the myth. It also punishes outspoken adoptees for daring to point out that adoption has "baggage", (painful baggage for all, but especially for the adoptee who had no say in what was decided for them.) By identifying this group as Angry Adoptees a divide is created among adoptees. It also serves as an "example" of what happens to adoptees who have dare to point out that adoption is not all rainbows and sunshine. <br />They are dismissed as unappreciative--and worse. This demeaning also serves as a warning to other adoptees who may be sitting on the fence wrestling with their own adoption-related Hard Stuff, wishing they could search, fearing repercussions from adoptive families who may feel hurt by their child's need to connect with birth family. IMHO, adoptees deserve the same rights of non-adopted personas to know who they are, where they come from and not to be expected to bottle up their search for truth. <br />Gayle@GIFTFamilyServiceshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00660172221561894415noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8950217803502790967.post-47385939726606947202016-11-22T20:30:43.727-08:002016-11-22T20:30:43.727-08:00As a mother, I can say this... you have to look at...As a mother, I can say this... you have to look at the whole picture - the bad adoptee who has issues and is a mess is the one to look and find a horrible family. The good adoptee who is perfect and wonderful doesn't look and of course her bio's were college students who were geniuses and who did the right thing. <br /><br />Essentially I see it as yet another way to make sure that no matter how hard we try to work out the issues surrounding adoption, our relationships and our lives, people will not understand that it doesn't need to be fixed, that it is not their business and that you can be a little nightmare and have great bio parents and you can be a little angel and have nightmare bio parents.... there is no magic recipe.<br /><br />I am sorry I looked. But I always hold out hope that someone else has a great reunion, over comes the odds and works out their relationship. If any of you see that, let me know. Then maybe I won't feel like searching is the wrong thing to do.Lorihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05815710859859029536noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8950217803502790967.post-9149757991823635332016-11-21T16:28:32.155-08:002016-11-21T16:28:32.155-08:00Hi Aimee! Thank you for sharing your experience. ...Hi Aimee! Thank you for sharing your experience. I am sorry that happened to you. Sounds like you need a good support system of other adoptees who "get it". I wish you the best!Lynnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15575558244573598420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8950217803502790967.post-25519830702165145582016-11-21T06:19:40.804-08:002016-11-21T06:19:40.804-08:00I recently switched camps. I never wanted to sea...I recently switched camps. I never wanted to search because I thought it was impossible and why would I want to find the girl that threw me away like garbage. My thinking changed this past summer prior to turning 40. I wanted to know my heritage and especially my medical history, as a cancer survivor. I receive backlash all the time from adoptees that had "great adoptive parents" and feel no need to search. I love that others, especially adoptees, are trying to tell me what I want is wrong. Aimee Szczesnynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8950217803502790967.post-80429491350839162062016-11-20T11:22:13.151-08:002016-11-20T11:22:13.151-08:00Well-said, Lynn!Well-said, Lynn!Paige Adams Stricklandhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00581465241800520405noreply@blogger.com