Being a "bitter" and "angry" adoptee is hard work
Well, usually I am accused of this when I point out something blatantly wrong about the adoption industry.
Usually, it is a non-adoptee or an adoptive parent who says it. It is usually never another adoptee unless they have not dealt with their own adoption issues.
In fact, I've been accused of being too adoption-loving by some adoptees. That one just blows my mind!
I'm usually accused of this through electronic communications (probably because adoption is not my favorite topic of conversation in real life) by people who have big computer screen kahunas, but would never call me up and say "Hey, help me to understand your perspective here."
I have been told not to show so much emotion on my blog. I've been accused of stepping off my spiritual path. I've been told I have "anger issues".
And you know what? I take all of these comments as a compliment.
I know -- sounds crazy, doesn't it? But what it really means to me is that I am not in "the adoption fog" or "numb to my feelings". It means that I can feel the ups, downs and heart breaks of this journey called adoption. People who can't feel are in a world of hurting. They just go through the motions of life without really experiencing it. They make decisions with only their heads -- not their hearts.
It may be hard for some people to believe, but adoption is only a very tiny aspect of who I am as a person. You may know me for three years or a lifetime and have never heard me discuss adoption with you (unless you asked me a question adoption-related). I would never try to pressure another adoptee to search for birth family or join the Adoptee Rights Coalition because I truly believe these decisions are very personal and should be made only when and if one is ready or interested.
I love my life. I love to make jokes and have fun. I love people, animals and sunsets. Basically, I'm pretty much just like you, except that I was raised within an institution that I do not agree with.
Does that mean I don't love my adoptive family? Absolutely not. Does that mean I am not thankful for my adoptive family? (
What it means is that I do not agree with lying to children about where they came from. I do not agree that falsifying documents is a good legal practice. I thought the law was supposed to be about justice. Call me naive, but that is one of the things I like about working in the legal field -- the justice aspect of it.
Currently, I see very little justice within private adoption in the United States. I don't see any justice in the Veronica case either. (a little plug for Two Worlds Radio that will be interviewing several Lost Daughters including myself and Trace DeMeyer, a Native American adoptee, about this case--this Sunday night at 10:00 p.m.) You can visit Trace at her blog.
Does adoption give children a safe and loving home? Hopefully, yes. Sometimes, no. I hope that adoption gives all adoptees a safe loving home because isn't that what adoption claims to be about? I hope all current and future adoptees grow up to become happy, healthy and whole.
Part of growing up happy, healthy and whole is knowing where you came from. Knowing that the people who say they love you aren't lying to you. Knowing that you are treated equally as a U.S. citizen to every other person in this country.
I did not grow up whole and yes, it makes me angry. I don't want other adoptees to grow up feeling like I did and then have layers of guilt to uncover to get to the truth of who they are. I get really tired of non-adopted people who say that their life was so much worse growing up with their biological families. (and have some silly adoption fantasy about how their life would be better). This is not a comparison of whose life was better or worse.
What you can compare is that the greatest majority of biological family members take it for granted that the people who raised them are their genetic family. They take it for granted that they can call their grandmother for information or research their family tree and have an accurate starting place. They take it for granted that their birth certificate has accurate information on it.
It makes me angry that I am still trying to piece together my history like a whole series of Who Do You Think You Ares but instead of answers by the genealogists, they are scratching their heads and going, "Sorry, we just don't know".
Angry people are the change-makers. Do you think women were happy when they couldn't vote? Do you think slaves were content with their plight? When people get angry enough about mistreatment, generally, they stand up and try to to fight for change.
I do not want to be remiss in thanking the overwhelming majority of you who read my blog and post comments and message me privately with support. That means alot to me. In fact, knowing your stories helps me to heal my own wounds and continue to fight the good fight.
So when you accuse me of being angry -- thank you. I will continue to be angry about the injustices I see in adoption and I will continue to fight for change.