Showing posts from September, 2017


Recently, when talking to an adoptive parent and explaining a talk I will be doing in November about supporting adoptive families, the parent exclaimed loudly, “I LOVE ADOPTION!!”
It really took me off guard.  He was practically cheerleading me to go out there and promote adoption.  I think I burst his bubble when I then explained that my presentation comes from an adoptee viewpoint first. Dead silence.  With rare exceptions, most people are silent when I mention that I have a different view as an adoptee, or they look at me funny as if to say, “There is another view?”
Of course, this parent was not adopted.  And it’s his right to love adoption.   But his comment has weighed on me.  And whenever something weighs on me, I begin writing blogs about it in my sleep, so I decided to get out of bed and put my thoughts on paper (so to speak).
This may come as a shock to some, but I don’t love adoption. I am adopted and I don’t love adoption.  Some days I don’t even like adoption.  (oh no, …

To Tell or Not to Tell (About Being Adopted)

There was a discussion today on Facebook about situations in which adoptees or others within the adoption community come in contact with families who have revealed to them, but not their child, the child's adopted status.  In other words, the family believes that they have not arrived at the "correct" age for telling of this important information.

There are various viewpoints and approaches one can take when you become aware of this.  The two most common that come to mind are:

1.  You can choose to say nothing and mind your own business.
2.  You can choose to educate the family from your perspective.

#1 is the easy, conflict-avoidant way to be able to go on with your day and (hopefully) not be rehashing this in your head for another week or two.  It is politically correct to stay out of other people's business.  No risk involved.  Move on with your life.

#2 is more difficult, because you have to think of a way to approach the situation so that the family is able to…