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Narcissism and Adoption -- Very Likely Bedfellows

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A pattern I have noticed when speaking with my fellow adoptees is how narcissism (narcissistic parents or just narcissistic thinking) can easily creep into adoption.  In fact, the adoption system is a minefield of narcissistic thinking. What are you talking about, Lynn? Stay with me here. Let's start with a brief definition of narcissism.  I am not going to quote the DSM  here -- we will leave that to the psychologists and social workers.  I am going to talk about narcissism in plain English.  These traits are common in narcissistic people or systems: * lack of accountability, abuse of power and lack of transparency * sense of entitlement * lacking in empathy and ethics * secrecy * magical thinking  * all about the image, not about the truth * making friends with people in high places * lying * corruption/greed *objectifying others for own gain In studying narcissism over the past 20 years, I have noticed many parallels to adoption that it is quite mind-blowing.
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What To Do When Your Birth Mother Refuses Contact or Vital Information

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This topic has become dear to my heart because as many of you know who read my blog, I have been in a position to be refused information.  Actually that is the story of my whole life as an adoptee -- being refused information, so you would think I would be used to it by now! However, God blessed me with a tenacity of steel and many smart friends who are also tenacious, information seekers.  One of my friends and I found a birth mother yesterday in less than a few hours, and located her Facebook profile, complete with pictures of all family members.  You can literally go from zero to 100 when it comes to adoption reunion.  (I use the term "reunion" loosely as the term covers any finding of information, just not a meeting of people). So today I want to write about what to do when you hit a road block.  One of the biggest road blocks of all is spending most of your life fantasizing about your birth mother and then being smacked in the face with the realization that she ha
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Common Traits of Adoptees

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Have you ever wondered what makes adoptees tick?  Well, wonder no longer!  I hope to answer some of your curiosities today.  In an effort to reach both adoptees who may think they are alone in addition to my other aspiration to educate those of you who are still ascribing to traditional myths about adopted people, today is the day you can learn the inside scoop! "Traditionally, American culture has communicated to adopted children that aside from the fact that they are “chosen children,” their lives and experiences are just like that of those who are raised by their birth parents (Silverstein & Kaplan, 1998;Wegar, 1997). In more recent years, however, theorists, activists, and adoptees themselves have contested this perspective and argued that the experience of being an adopted person is unique and worthy of attention (Brodzinsky, Smith & Brodzinsky, 1998; Rosenberg, 1992; Wegar, 1997). --  Unique Issues of Adult Adoptees by Jennifer Carizey I don't pe
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