Showing posts from March, 2013

It Could Have Been Them

I was talking to an adoptee friend last week and we were trying to understand why sometimes birth siblings who are found by adoptees do not choose to embrace their new-found adoptee kin.

Sometimes it can be the attitude of the birth parent themselves.  I have noticed a pattern if the birth parent is still in hiding, denial or doesn't want to own up to creating a child, this can affect how the "kept" siblings feel about the adoptee.  (See my friend, Laura Dennis', post about the rejection of her siblings). 

So I posed the question to my friend . . . ."Why do you think it's so hard for the kept siblings to acknowledge our existence and to befriend us?

She quoted her wise aunt as saying,

"Because it could have been them"

That thought got me thinking.  Maybe there is some truth in that statement.

They could have been born first (or last).

They could have been the sibling who was given away, but instead were "chosen" to be raised.

They could…

Are you related to somebody famous?

One adoptee fantasy that I've heard over and over and experienced myself is that we believe (hope) we  are related to a famous person. He or she might be on T.V at this very moment or we have met them without realizing it (it happened to Steve Jobs and his birth father).

As an adoptee with no roots, anybody is fair game to be your birth parent -- especially movie stars, rocks stars and sports figures.

 In my own life, I was hoping it would be a famous singer:  a rock or pop star to be exact.  Music has always been my first love.

Early on in my reunion with my birth mother, my good friend Zack Pasters, started developing my family tree on  I didn't think much about it because I was still trying to recover from actually seeing and knowing my mother, something I dreamed of my whole life.

One particular evening, when Zack was researching in the wee hours of the night, he realized I was related to somebody famous:

Elwyn Brooks White (known as E.B. White).

The author…

My Ethnicity Revealed (sort of)

So after many hours of sifting through Population Finder at Family Tree DNA, I do have a lot more information about my ethnic background than I ever had before. To give you a little background, Population Finder uses information from the database at Stanford University (Human Genome Project)  using DNA to map out a person's ancestry.  It does not tell you specific countries, but only regions.

Here is a quote from President Clinton about the Human Genome Project:

At the June 2000 White House press conference, President Clinton compared the feat of mapping and sequencing the human genome to the mapping of the Northwest Passage by early-nineteenth century explorers Meriwether Lewis and William Clark:
"Nearly two centuries ago, in this room, on this floor, Thomas Jefferson and a trusted aide spread out a magnificent map, a map Jefferson had long prayed he would get to see in his lifetime. The aide was Meriwether Lewis and the map was the product of his courageous expedition acros…

Adoptee Rights are Heating up in Ohio

Historic events happened in Columbus, Ohio yesterday.  Not only was the vote UNANIMOUS in favor of the Adoptee Rights Bill (which will open birth certificates to adoptees between 1964-1996and allow birth parents a contact preference form), the Catholic Conference of Ohio actually provided written support of HB 41!  This is in follow up to another practical miracle -- Ohio Right to Life backed us as well.  As Marley Greiner of Bastard Nation has been quoted as saying, "Pigs Really Do Fly!"

I wish I could have been there but I got an account from a friend.  We all spent the previous day sending in our last-minute testimonies.  (you can find my testimonyhere).

My best friend who has lived in Australia for 17 years (an Ohio adoptee) sent in her testimony.  I am posting my favorite part of it because it shows the opposite nature of how adoption is handled in Australia:

"Although I am a citizen of the United States I am currently residing in Australia. This is where we have ad…

Why I love DNA

I have a confession to make:  I am addicted to Investigative Discovery t.v.  I could watch hours and hours of crime shows. I love how the story unfolds and then one day, when the killer thinks he has gotten away with murder and has set up a new life/new family and has neighbors who only say great things about him in interviews, is finally revealed as  (cue orchestra music)

the killer or rapist

For those of you who watch Maury Povich, you see this same relief and surprise on the faces of the

baby daddies and the mamas who knew all along (they were 150% sure in fact) that he was the daddy. 

How is this all possible?


The detectives hide out and wait for that cigarette to be tossed on the street

or they grab a dirty glass or straw

or they test a used (licked) envelope

or . . . . . .  . .

In the case of the serial killer nicknamed the “Grim Sleeper,” DNA samples he left at several crime scenes were a close partial match to Christopher Franklin, who was in a California prison on a …

Proud to be part of adoptee rights in New Brunswick, Canada

A while ago, I received the following email after Beth McCrea found my Paradox post at Lost Daughters:

"I would like to ask your permission to use your poem in our presentation to our provincial premier as we meet to discuss open records. I am one of the founding members of COARnb (Coalition for Open Adoption Records in New Brunswick) and we have been invited to meet with our Premier (Governor) in February.

We are working with Sen. D'Allesandro of NH and Paule Benoit of ME. So many of our sons and daughters were adopted to the New England states and all over the US. We are fighting hard to give them their Chapter One, which is rightfully theirs."

I was flattered but I didn't think much would come of it. I mean, it's just a poem.

However, I knew this person was as passionate as I am about adoptee rights (and even more impressive because she is not adopted herself) but I didn't think my poem would be any big deal when it came to changing laws.

Today I rece…

What's Your Story?

Yesterday when I was sitting in Mass, Fr's Homily was about the Samaritan woman.  For those who aren't Bible scholars (myself included), it is when a Samaritan woman comes upon Jesus at the well and she is shocked when he speaks to her.  She does not recognize him as the Son of God at the well but as Fr. poignently pointed out, even though she had 5 husbands and was not currently married in her relationship (which was scandolous in Bible times), Jesus accepted her where she was.

He wanted to know her story (even though he already knew it)

He didn't try and change her

He didn't tell her how to live her life better or differently

He just accepted her where she was right then

He cared about her story

As I lunched with old friends after Mass, I looked around the table and realized that we can know people for years but never know their story. 

Adoption came up in the conversation because my friend is a widower and wanted his wife to adopt the kids she is now mother to and …