5 Reasons You Should Listen to Adoptees Instead of Adoption Experts

1.       Experts in past eras got a lot of it wrong.

Blank slates, secrets, born-as-if-to and separating twins and triplets in an effort to study nurture versus nature (and provide more babies to waiting families) are just a few examples of how the adoption experts of bygone eras got it so, so, wrong.  Just read up on child trafficker, Georgia Tann, and you will see the corruption that facilitated sealed records.  From doctors and lawyers who “knew somebody” to judges who signed off on questionable adoptions, if we look to the Baby Scoop Era for guidance, there is only one conclusion:  the “experts” got most of it wrong.   20/20 recently reported on this.  

 2.  Most adoption experts are benefiting financially from the adoption industry.

Money tends to cloud ones motivations when it comes to educating about adoption.  Employees of adoption agencies benefit when adoptions occur.  Adoption attorneys benefit financially.  Even churches can benefit financially from adoption (i.e. more members).  When you are watching a talk show or news story about adoption, realize that you are getting biased information if the person speaking about adoption is also benefiting financially from the adoption industry.  Thankfully, there are many adult adoptees who have received training in counseling and social work who are actually experts.  Seek them out.  If you don't know anyone who is both adopted and has professional training, ask an adoptee for a referral.

3.  A professional in one field does not an adoption expert make.

Have you ever gone to a new counselor only to learn that they have zero knowledge about adoption?  (most universities do not educate counselors about adoption).  Have you ever talked to your doctor and realized that they have no concern or plan B for an adopted child (or adult) having no medical history?

Churches are now acting as a form of adoption expert in that some largely embrace the orphan care movement, without also providing proper education and support for the families that are adopting in large numbers within their congregations.  Many adoption agencies have traditionally been run by the church which results in a conflict of interest when deciding who does the church actually support?  In any event, just because someone went to seminary or medical school, does not make them an adoption expert.

 4.  Adoptees Have Lived Experience

There is no professional counselor, social worker, attorney, pastor or other professional who can tell you what it feels like to grow up adopted and to walk through this world as an adopted person, except a person who is themselves adopted.  You can study adoption until you are blue in the face. You can have all the letters you can gather behind your name as you can achieve, but you will never understand adoption on the same level as someone who has lived it. You can empathize and you can listen (and you should); but unless you are adopted, you will never understand how it feels to be adopted living in a non-adopted world.

 5.  Adoptees can help Adoptive Parents and Others Understand Adoption.

Although not all adoptees see it as their mission or responsibility, the reality is that adoptive parents (and the “experts”) have a lot to learn from adopted people.  Some of us grew up in completely closed adoptions, some of us in semi-open, others in open and others in kinship.  What can you learn from us?  Read our blogs, books and watch our documentaries to find out.  Understand the special issues revolving around identity, self-esteem, belonging, mirroring, genealogy, etc.  We have something to teach the world if you will only listen.