Firmly Rooted in Time and Place

 

 

“Walking, I am listening to a deeper way.  Suddenly, all my ancestors are behind me. Be still, they say.  Watch and listen.  You are the result of the love of thousands.” Linda Hogan, Native American writer

I was listening to this podcast yesterday where Ande of The Adoption Files interviewed adoptee Becky Drinnen.  

As Becky shared the long meandering road to understanding her identity, beginning in her early 20’s and culminating in her 50’s, something really struck me that the two were discussing:  every bit of information we receive about our birth family and our history, no matter how seemingly insignificant to somebody else, matters and helps to build a more cohesive narrative. 

And even though the search and reunion process may not take so long for some, given the quick nature of consumer DNA testing, the journey of discovery can continue for a lifetime.  It seems there is no end to the discoveries available as more data is loaded into genealogy websites and more public records are accessible on-line.  (Keep an eye out for the 1950s census becoming available next month!).

My most exciting discovery of late was that a man named Mr. O, an Illinois native who personally flew my biological father into the country, was still alive.  He called me up one day and recounted a story from 1958.  He remembered every detail and I was blown away.  When Mr. O’s plane was in Lima, Peru about to return home, one of his three passengers decided not to get on board.  The available seat was offered to my father, Antonio, for the reduced cost of $50.00.   In a move that still boggles my mind, Antonio impulsively decided to take this passenger’s place, leaving his home country forever and arriving in Illinois with no family support.

Something about hearing that story and digesting it over a period of months helped me to feel more whole for the first time.  This might seem obvious, but it suddenly dawned on me that I would not exist, nor would my son, if Antonio had never gotten on that plane.  That one decision changed the trajectory of so many lives. 

In her podcast interview, Becky shares how she tenaciously kept going back to the adoption agency for more information about her first three months of life.  Each time she was charged a fee and each time she did not receive what it was she was wanting to know.  A gatekeeper would not provide any details or information as it related to Becky’s baptism and who took care of her during the months before placement with her parents. It was not until that gatekeeper retired, that Becky was able to receive information she knew in her gut existed in the adoption agency files, including photos. 

My first contact with the adoption agency as a young adult, stopped me in my tracks. I received some non-identifying information (a very basic biography without names of my bio parents) and a letter that was very disheartening which I posted here at my Instagram.  In that letter I learned my birth mom had never made contact with the adoption agency in 25 years.  My search came to an abrupt halt. Records were sealed and clearly, my birth mom wanted nothing to with me?  Right?  Wrong.

But that is a story for another day.  I shared my reunion journey with Louise and Sarah at Adoption: The Making of Me podcast last weekend.  The actual episode won’t be released for some time but check out the other episodes!  They are so much fun and easy to talk to. 

Thirty years after my initial inquiry, the knowledge of my birth parents and ancestors has reached a peak.  This has resulted in my feeling more grounded.  I also like and accept myself on a much deeper level.  The most helpful thing I ever decided to do was to reach out for support from others in the adoption community where a safe space was provided to both write and tell my story. 

I am at last firmly rooted in both place and time and comfortable in my own skin, secure in the knowledge of the people who walked before me, leading me to this very moment.