Adoption and ADHD

Back in 2015, when Lisa Esposito from US News & World Report, contacted me out of the blue for help in writing an article about adoptees and their lack of medical history, I was excited that somebody in the media world cared about this issue. 

However, being fortunate to have good health, I didn’t have any stories to share with her personally. So, I acted as a connector for her in the community. I recalled a few of the stories I had heard from adoptees who had life threatening medical issues and either could have been helped or were helped by speaking with birth family members to get important medical history. 

Eight years later, I now have something to share. It is a late Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) diagnosis. It is common for parents to be diagnosed shortly after one of their kids are diagnosed because ADHD is highly genetic. If a parent did not pass it on, it is very likely that a grandparent did. Our daughter took an on-line self-assessment and kept telling me she believed she had it. 

 At first, I thought that what she was describing were gifted symptoms (the two overlap), but she kept pushing me and we made an appointment with our family physician. He diagnosed her and gave her some medication to try. It made a world of difference for her, especially when she got to the right dose to help calm her anxiety (see the correlation here ). 

While I was learning about ADHD, I began to see myself in many of the podcasts, discussion boards and articles that I had been reading. One book that cemented it for me was “Still Distracted After All These Years.” 

This author specializes in the over 50 crowd and talks about the lack of resources and education by clinicians and doctors for older folks with ADHD. She convinced me that my life may improve with a diagnosis and some pharmaceutical help. 

Taking a controlled substance after learning I am neuro-divergent was not especially concerning to me, because I also have another brain-related condition called cervical dystonia for which there is no cure. Cervical dystonia makes my head turn to the right without my permission. 

At the root, it is a dysfunction in the chemical signals that direct a body part to do what it should be doing. Both of these conditions relate to the basal ganglia of the brain. And both of them are genetic (dystonia can be but is not always). 

Going down the ADHD rabbit hole, I learned that those who are born female are underdiagnosed and because my ADHD presents as distracted more so than hyper (which is common for girls), I would never have imagined myself as being ADHD. 

But when I used my research skills to dig back into my younger life, interviewing my mom about my behaviors as a child, looking at some of the comments my teachers had written down about me, and thinking about my early adult failures, I began to see a picture emerging. 

 In early 2022, I found a study that showed that when women lose estrogen in peri-menopause, their ADHD symptoms worsen. Then I found an expert in ADHD  who said that most of his ADHD clients also have a comorbid Body-Focused Repetitive Behavior (BRFB). 

BFRBs have plagued me for life. It wasn’t until my 40s that I even knew they had a name. “Wolf biting” is a weird term to describe my BFRB. Mine presents as chewing my fingers, which is a form of brain stimulation. I mainly only do it when watching TV or driving, or forced to sit someplace I don’t want to be (like a time-sucking meeting). 

Continuing on in my research, I began to find articles about how common it is for adoptees to also have ADHD. I made a tik tok about this topic during National Adoption Awareness Month last November and so many adoptees said they too had it. 

Years ago, Paul Sunderland posted this video  about adoptees and dug into the trauma (he refers to it as complex post-traumatic stress disorder) that results from the several relinquishments that adoptees separated at birth have. 

 It never occurred to me that we don’t just suffer one relinquishment. It can be several when you consider we are often in a foster home before we are placed for adoption. He discusses how we are swimming in stress chemicals when we are in utero (because a mother who is planning to give up her baby, is obviously stressed). 

 Then when we are relinquished, it can disorganize our brain chemicals. At it’s root, ADHD is a dopamine issue. Lacking in dopamine, adopted women will become impulsive, seeking stimulation. We can also become depressed and anxious.

I suffered with severe PMS for three days out of every month which I learned is common amongst women with ADHD. Women with ADHD are also commonly obese. It makes sense—we turn to food to replace the missing dopamine. It stands to reason if adoptees separated at birth are put into fear, flight or fight, and our brain chemicals become wonky, then ADHD could result. 

Maybe someday there will be more studies on children who are relinquished and how this trauma effects us. I suspect the trauma of separation(s) are also responsible for adoptees over-representation in mental health care facilities, in the troubled teen industry, in drug and alcohol rehab, and of course, higher rates of suicide. 

This article states that 30% of adoptees are diagnosed with ADHD; however, I have seen other stats that are higher. If you are adopted and reading/listening to this, it probably can come as a shock. I know it did for me. 

But once I processed (and frankly grieved) these realities, I was able to say to myself, “This was not your fault.” I can now be more mindful of when my ADHD is telling me to do something impulsively and I can PAUSE. I can WAIT. 

I can plan and structure my day rather than flitting from thing to thing. I can create an environment of quiet and order to help me get work done. I can be honest with the people around me when I am feeling too distracted or stressed to talk about or do something. I can set healthy boundaries for myself and give friends and family a heads up. 

I find myself often saying, “Sorry I am interrupting a lot, my ADHD is on overdrive today.” I told someone I was lunching with yesterday, who talked a lot slower than me, that I had ADHD. Anyone I tell is very understanding. Of course, it’s not an excuse for interrupting, but I feel like I can focus more on waiting patiently, once I tell someone that this is an issue for me. 

So, Lisa, if you are reading this---I now have my own lack of medical history story to tell. And just in case you all were wondering, I have no idea if any of these conditions run on either side of my family. It is not always possible to get true or helpful information from genetic family members, but it is definitely worth trying to. 

If you are an adoptive parent reading this, I urge you to gather as much information from your child’s birth family as possible. It may save their life one day.