Lynn Grubb

Mayan Indian tribe symbol I was speaking to my friend Jenny via Facebook last night and she let me into the secret world of adoption in the South American country of her birth:  Colombia  I first met Jenny when I was trying to decide whether to get my dna tested last year.  She was among many who suggested the idea to me and explained to me her results in being Native American and about the different tribes in Colombia.  Jenny has shared a lot of information with me about being Latino which has been invaluable to me not growing up in the Latino culture.  I learned this from her: Hispanic is not a race. It is a word that means anyone of Latin, Central, Mexican, Puerto Rican American descent. Hispanics can be any of the 4 races ( European, Sub Saharan African, Native American, Asian). Native Americans in South America, although different tribes, are of the same race as Native Americans, now referred to as First Nation Peoples, in North America. In Co...

Photo credit: Devon Goldstein After having a very frustrating conversation this past weekend with a non-adoptee, and after reading Deanna's latest  blog over at Adoptee Restoration, I feel the need to discuss a few concepts with (hopefully) the non-adopted.  I hope and pray that some non-adopted people happen upon this blog if they know or love an adoptee in their lives.  Otherwise, I am just preaching to the choir, because for the most part, adoptees understand the concepts I am going to outline below. Living in the United States (the adoption capital of the world) makes it very possible that each of us has some connection to adoption.  If not in our own family, then a friend's family.  Every person I have ever spoken with about adoption, shares with me the connection to adoption in their own life (I love that part about adoption conversations).  However, sometimes, the sharing of their story is a way to invalidate what I am sharing with them. ...

Stepmothers, adoptive mothers and maybe even some biological mothers have heard at one time or another the "you aren't my REAL mom!"  It could have been because your child didn't get his way or didn't like a decision you made or something you took away, or maybe like in my daughter's case, she said it matter-of-factly in the middle of a conversation recently about something insignificant enough I can't remember it.  I do remember we were sitting on her canopy bed and she said "but you aren't my real mom" to me for the first time. My immediate reply to her was: (pinching arm) "Well, I think I'm real.  I'm sitting right here.  I must be real!" My daughter laughed and we moved on to some other important topic like "why won't dad let me use the new computer?" My first reaction to not being called "real" was not fear, insecurity or upset.  I didn't feel any need to defend myself.  I didn...

photo credit:  riverroadumc.org Many in the Christian community and otherwise, believe that it is God's will and under his direction that children be adopted.  I am not going to get into a Bible study on this blog, but I will mention many Christian concepts as they frame my beliefs about adoption. Many parents tell their curious adoptees when questioned, statements like these: "God wanted you to be our child"  "You were chosen by us" "Your birth mother gave you to us as a special gift" "You are God's gift to us"  I believe for the most part adoptive parents want to soothe and help their child understand their complicated circumstances.  However, I also believe the statements above and statements similar to these, do the opposite. Being chosen is generally not true It is true that adoptive parents choose to adopt, however they do not choose a particular child, for the most part. Even if they did choose a particular child...