Losing my Father: Disenfranchised Grief and Adoptees
Three weeks ago, I received word from a Peruvian cousin Claudia who I am connected to via Facebook that my father is dead. “He now enjoys the presence of God” she stated. She sent kind wishes to my family. As I processed this information over several days, in between crying on and off, the doubting part of me said, “Is it really true?” Could it be a ruse so I will go away? I know that this sounds ridiculous to anyone who grew up with their biological family and has always known the identity of their parents. But it doesn’t sound crazy to those of us who are adopted. As my friend Pam says, “Let me stand in front of his grave!” My relationship to my father is not considered equal to those who are raised by their fathers. Our relationship has not been socially sanctioned or acknowledged by those in authority. There are no records to prove our relationship. Some consider it a non-relationship because of my being legally ad...