Lynn Grubb

This letter is in response to the June 5, 2018 article, “Adopting a Child Mirrors God’s Adoption of Us All”   published in The Presbyterian Outlook.   I can appreciate that Rev. Glass, herself an adoptee and birth parent, has found something positive about her own relinquishment and adoption within scripture.  Rev. Glass had a wonderful loving adoptive family, for which she is grateful; however, comparing “being adopted” to our adoption by God does not ring true for me 1 .  There are many Christians who cannot relate to Rev. Glass’ interpretation of scripture. 2   In fact, hearing this comparison at church does damage to many adopted people who did not have the same loving and positive experience Rev. Glass did.  Where was God for them when they were being abused or re-homed after being adopted? What about the birth family members who were praying that their child/niece/grandbaby could stay with them and not have to live with strangers? Why didn’t ...

You did it! You reached the goal line.   You outlived the laws that said you couldn’t have the information.    You are the Queen of your own life because you didn’t back down.    You kept the faith. You didn’t forget the woman who gave you life.   You knew what you needed and you pushed through.  You supported the person in your life, also adopted, on his journey.   He supported you.   You had each other and that is no small thing.  You confided in me.   You trusted me, a complete stranger you met on the internet, to help you walk through this journey with you.   You cried and you were scared.   And I want you to know that I see you as brave.   I am sad that your message to your mother went unanswered.   I am frustrated for you that she deleted her Facebook page.    I want to call her up myself and say, “Look what you are missing out on!”.   You have a beautiful...

1.        Experts in past eras got a lot of it wrong. Blank slates, secrets, born-as-if-to and separating twins and triplets in an effort to study nurture versus nature (and provide more babies to waiting families) are just a few examples of how the adoption experts of bygone eras got it so, so, wrong.   Just read up on child trafficker, Georgia Tann , and you will see the corruption that facilitated sealed records.    From doctors and lawyers who “knew somebody” to judges who signed off on questionable adoptions, if we look to the Baby Scoop Era for guidance, there is only one conclusion:   the “experts” got most of it wrong.     20/20 recently reported on this.      2.   Most adoption experts are benefiting financially from the adoption industry. Money tends to cloud ones motivations when it comes to educating about adoption.   Employees of adoption agencies benefit when adopt...

Dear Editor: I am writing in response to the January 24 article,  “What If I Don’t Want to See the Child I Gave up for Adoption?” As part of the adoption community, I take exception to several assumptions The Ethicist makes in his response to a woman who was uncomfortable when the adult adoptee (not “child”) wanted to get to know her and the adoptee's biological siblings. It would not just be an act of generosity on the part of the biological mother to meet her child and answer her valid questions.  I see it as an obligation of the biological mother for at least a one-time meeting (which this mother offered) with the adult adoptee who was too young to know the circumstances of her conception and birth. (I am not advocating "forced contact"; however, information, photos, and reasons for relinquishment, the father's name, etc. would be a kind response in the absence of a face-to-face meeting). Biological mothers are not entitled to perpetual anonymity, c...

The title of this blog is tongue-in-cheek, because so many people new to online support groups (especially adoptees like me, who also become adoptive parents) ask a very common question in some form or another . . . . .it usually comes about after the person joins an on-line adoption support group and lurks for a bit trying to get a feel for the energy in the room . . .if the energy leans toward the negative (i.e. discussing the negative feelings surrounding being adopted), it is only a matter of time until a comment like this appears in the room: “I am just curious as to why in this support group there are so many bitter and angry adoptees who seem to hate adoption. I loved growing up adopted and had wonderful parents.  It makes me very concerned for the child I adopted that there is so much negativity coming from adoptees.” Depending on the room this is posted in, this could invite an onslaught of criticism from the adoptees who are working through the negative aspects o...

I was reading this poignant Dear Adoption, If I Could post today written by a 17-year-old Colombian adoptee.  The feelings are raw; however, I could identify with all of them.  In the comments, there was one that stood out to me which was kind but explanatory of why a child might be given up . . . .the commenter, Cindy, writes,  “Please know that so very many mothers and fathers wanted their children with all their heart and soul.  .  .. . circumstances or forces beyond their control often separated them from the children they loved and wanted. If a family is in severe poverty and no one aids them and there is no hope of help, a parent’s heart will find a way to keep their children alive . . even if it means letting them go to someplace or someone who can ensure they will be fed and cared for.  It’s no ‘choice’ but rather desperate circumstances . . . . . “ On the face of it, this comment seems perfectly true and appears to want to help the or...

Recently, when talking to an adoptive parent and explaining a talk I will be doing in November about supporting adoptive families, the parent exclaimed loudly, “I LOVE ADOPTION!!” It really took me off guard.  He was practically cheerleading me to go out there and promote adoption.  I think I burst his bubble when I then explained that my presentation comes from an adoptee viewpoint first. Dead silence.  With rare exceptions, most people are silent when I mention that I have a different view as an adoptee, or they look at me funny as if to say, “There is another view?” Of course, this parent was not adopted.  And it’s his right to love adoption.   But his comment has weighed on me.  And whenever something weighs on me, I begin writing blogs about it in my sleep, so I decided to get out of bed and put my thoughts on paper (so to speak). This may come as a shock to some, but I don’t love adoption. I am adopted and I don’t love adoption....