Lynn Grubb

How many times have I been accused of being an "angry adoptee"? Well, usually I am accused of this when I point out something blatantly wrong about the adoption industry. Usually, it is a non-adoptee or an adoptive parent who says it.  It is usually never another adoptee unless they have not dealt with their own adoption issues. In fact, I've been accused of being too adoption-loving by some adoptees.  That one just blows my mind! I'm usually accused of this through electronic communications (probably because adoption is not my favorite topic of conversation in real life) by people who have big computer screen kahunas, but would never call me up and say "Hey, help me to understand your perspective here."  I have been told not to show so much emotion on my blog.   I've been accused of stepping off my spiritual path.  I've been told I have "anger issues". And you know what?  I take all of these comments as a compliment. I know...

Pro:  Keeping a child within their biological family I listed this first because I believe that this is the biggest pro of relative adoption (also known as "kinship adoption").  Roots, family and kin are so important to adopted children.  It is a child's right to be with their kin if it is possible.  Knowing where you come from should never be underestimated nor should a child's knowledge that the family he was born into wanted them to stay part of the family.  Many adoptees believe that there is no good reason for adoption even amongst relatives, but I disagree.  Adoption, as it is currently practiced, is the best form of permanence currently available for children.   I didn't say I liked the way it was practiced, but its permanence is something I do like.  Con:  Visitation and contact is not guaranteed Just because a child is being raised by an aunt and uncle or a grandmother, there is no guarantee that there will be any form ...

One of the extra fun bonuses about being adopted (and especially for those of us who speak out about it), is that other people (mostly non-adopted) believe they have the right to ask silly questions such as "how does your mother feel about you searching"? (referring to my adoptive mother). Within some of these questions are hidden meanings such as "you should feel guilty" or "how could you be disloyal to your mother like that?" among other messages that give me a headache to even contemplate. So today I will answer this question once and for all . . . . . I have no idea. She has never directly told me how she feels about it. She has said this: "It hurt me when your birth mother did not ask me about your childhood" It took her seven years post-reunion, for my mother to admit this to me.  This is a touchy, sensitive topic between my mother and me.  It was so difficult for me to tell my mother when I found my birth mother, that my ...

I wrote a poem called " Adoption is " and wanted to expand the poem with a blog. Today I will focus on how adoption  can be viewed as a legal solution to a problem that, in my opinion, is spiritual in nature. I am not enough This is one of many thoughts that a pregnant woman has when she is considering relinquishing her child for adoption.  It is the central theme in my own relinquishment and in my daughter's relinquishment.  If either of our mother's believed they were enough, then adoption would have never entered the scene.  Believing we are not enough is a spiritual sickness.  It's a way of not loving ourselves. It's a society sickness when people tell a pregnant woman that she is not enough because she does not have enough a) money b) maturity c) support or d) love to raise her own child. I am not going to argue the point that there are many things necessary to raise a child and that in some situations a woman may not be have the proper tools to...

photo credit:  deebright.com Myth:  Birth Parents were (are) legally promised confidentiality .  A friend of mine who is on the board of the Adoptee Rights Coalition has collected many Birth Parent Surrenders (some from long ago and some more recent) and in none of them is there a "promise" of confidentiality (or anonymity) to the birth parent from her child.  There may be a clause that prevents the birth parent from contacting the adoptive family.  But the gist of the Birth Parent Surrender has legal terminology that is clear that the parent is no longer the parent under the eyes of the law.  Period.  No promises are made other than she no longer has any responsibility or rights for said child.   I have a copy of  the legal surrender that my daughter's birth parent signed. It only takes away rights and does not give her any form of anonymity, confidentiality (other than what is expected in attorney/client privilege) or promises o...

Mayan Indian tribe symbol I was speaking to my friend Jenny via Facebook last night and she let me into the secret world of adoption in the South American country of her birth:  Colombia  I first met Jenny when I was trying to decide whether to get my dna tested last year.  She was among many who suggested the idea to me and explained to me her results in being Native American and about the different tribes in Colombia.  Jenny has shared a lot of information with me about being Latino which has been invaluable to me not growing up in the Latino culture.  I learned this from her: Hispanic is not a race. It is a word that means anyone of Latin, Central, Mexican, Puerto Rican American descent. Hispanics can be any of the 4 races ( European, Sub Saharan African, Native American, Asian). Native Americans in South America, although different tribes, are of the same race as Native Americans, now referred to as First Nation Peoples, in North America. In Co...

Photo credit: Devon Goldstein After having a very frustrating conversation this past weekend with a non-adoptee, and after reading Deanna's latest  blog over at Adoptee Restoration, I feel the need to discuss a few concepts with (hopefully) the non-adopted.  I hope and pray that some non-adopted people happen upon this blog if they know or love an adoptee in their lives.  Otherwise, I am just preaching to the choir, because for the most part, adoptees understand the concepts I am going to outline below. Living in the United States (the adoption capital of the world) makes it very possible that each of us has some connection to adoption.  If not in our own family, then a friend's family.  Every person I have ever spoken with about adoption, shares with me the connection to adoption in their own life (I love that part about adoption conversations).  However, sometimes, the sharing of their story is a way to invalidate what I am sharing with them. ...