Lynn Grubb

I came across this list on my Facebook feed today, and felt really compelled to write about it.  I will admit that I generally do not read adoptive parent blogs (with one exception being this one ) and I also do not take part in adoptee support groups where I am instructed to use or not use specific words such as " birth parent ". In some circles, birth parent   is seen as negative and in others (like this list, for example), suddenly birth parent is positive.  Personally, I find the term birth parent as neutral; however, I will say that the adoption industry uses this term to separate a mother who relinquishes  places her child, from a mother who adopts a child.   However, the term, birth parents has long been accepted as a way for adoptees to differentiate which mother they are speaking about at any given time.  I would not necessarily deem it positive, though, and it has always bothered me that there is a separate holiday for birth mothers (the Satu...

Top (Rainbow Dash), middle left (Rarity), (Twilight), (Applejack), (Pinkie Pie), front (Fluttershy and Spike) In honor of Trotcon 2015 that was held this past weekend in Columbus, Ohio, my daughter (a HUGE fan of the show) gave me the idea of writing about Spike, the adoptee of the  My Little Pony, Friendship is Magic series (created by Lauren Faust).  This is hands-down one of the best series out there teaching about lessons of friendship. The music is top notch as well. Elements of Harmony In Season Two, Episode 21, "Dragon Quest," Spike's story is explained more thoroughly. Spike, is a purple and green dragon.  (not to be confused with the purple and green dinosaur) who was raised in Ponyville, not knowing his original parents.  In one scene, Spike is speaking with several of the Ponies. Spike does not realize at this point he does not act like a "real dragon"  He is seen wearing a pink heart apron. Rainbow Dash tells Spike he i...

A pattern I have noticed when speaking with my fellow adoptees is how narcissism (narcissistic parents or just narcissistic thinking) can easily creep into adoption.  In fact, the adoption system is a minefield of narcissistic thinking. What are you talking about, Lynn? Stay with me here. Let's start with a brief definition of narcissism.  I am not going to quote the DSM  here -- we will leave that to the psychologists and social workers.  I am going to talk about narcissism in plain English.  These traits are common in narcissistic people or systems: * lack of accountability, abuse of power and lack of transparency * sense of entitlement * lacking in empathy and ethics * secrecy * magical thinking  * all about the image, not about the truth * making friends with people in high places * lying * corruption/greed *objectifying others for own gain In studying narcissism over the past 20 years, I have noticed many parallels to adoption that ...

Adoption Reunion is a goal for many adoptees and in conversations with hundreds of other adoptees, I have learned that for many of us, once we make the decision to search, we tend to dive in head first without realizing the pitfalls and hazards of adoption reunion.  Much has been written about the benefits of adoption reunion and in my opinion, the benefits far outweigh the pitfalls. However, knowing in advance what the pitfalls can be, is helpful in better preparing you for them. This blog is in no way discouraging reunions, as I strongly believe searching and reunion is a normal and healthy desire.  All people, adopted or not, have a general curiosity about where they came from and in some cases, to want to know the people who brought them into the world, in addition to knowing their siblings and extended family. Many adoptees are getting information handed to them via opening of original birth certificates in some states or through generous and talented search angels ...

(Note: this blog was revised on 12/3/21 from it's original version published in 2015). The Sunday before Mother's Day, our family was sitting in the pew at church as was the usual routine.   I was hoping for a great mom-parable or just something "light" and "happy" to prepare for what many adoptees, can be a triggering day.  While the world celebrates mothers, many adoptees are grieving on that day. Sitting next to my daughter in our pew, I noticed she was drawing a picture.  My attention was drawn back to the sermon, as I heard the pastor discussing how God brings us into His family --- that He "adopts" us. I pay attention when I hear the word "adopt" as it is thrown around quite frequently in the media, legal field and as it relates to pets. So I was completely taken aback when I heard these words from the pastor, "If you are adopted, raise your hand." My eyes quickly darted around the church at the congregation and I n...

Today I am interviewing Lisa Floyd, adoptee extraordinaire! Lisa and I have met in person a couple times -- once we met half way between our houses (I am in Ohio, she is in Indiana) to have lunch and do a little shopping and another time, Lisa joined my daughter and I for a weekend trip to the Indianapolis Children's Museum.  We were like two giddy teens hanging in the hotel room together.  I love meeting adoptees in real life whom I have shared many conversations with on-line first. And adoptee-bonding time is the best! Lisa is an Indiana adoptee in reunion with both sides of her biological family.  She wrote an essay titled, "Discovering the Real Me" for The Adoptee Survival Guide. Hi Lisa! Thanks for joining me today!! I was curious -- what made you want to write an essay for The Adoptee Survival Guide ? I wanted to write an essay for The Adoptee Survival Guide, because I wanted to let adoptees know that they're not alone and there is a way to come out ...

Hi JoAnne! Thanks for being willing to do this interview today!   You state you live in the Pacific Northwest.  Being from the Midwest and never visiting the  PNW (yet!), I am curious to know what it is that people love about living there? I still remember with fondness when I first moved from California to Oregon with my husband and our oldest daughter. We have three daughters, one was born in Los Gatos, CA, one born in Kirkland, WA, and one in Portland, OR. The beautiful Pacific Northwest is so green from the tops of the tall trees to the golf-course-looking grass. I had previously lived in many cities across CA and in Reno, NV, up until the age of 6, but I feel the most at home in Oregon. At first, my lungs weren’t acclimating to the dampness in the air, and I ended up in the hospital, and then Mount Saint Helens blew a short time after we arrived. After moving here, we had just changed our license plates when I walked out of the grocery store. Ther...