Lynn Grubb

Three weeks ago, I received word from a Peruvian cousin Claudia who I am connected to via Facebook that my father is dead.  “He now enjoys the presence of God” she stated.  She sent kind wishes to my family.  As I processed this information over several days, in between crying on and off, the doubting part of me said, “Is it really true?” Could it be a ruse so I will go away?   I know that this sounds ridiculous to anyone who grew up with their biological family and has always known the identity of their parents.   But it doesn’t sound crazy to those of us who are adopted. As my friend Pam says, “Let me stand in front of his grave!”    My relationship to my father is not considered equal to those who are raised by their fathers. Our relationship has not been socially sanctioned or acknowledged by those in authority.   There are no records to prove our relationship.   Some consider it a non-relationship because of my being legally ad...

Have you recently become or are you considering becoming a kinship caregiver?  Kinship caregivers could be family members or friends of a child.  What makes them “kin” is that they usually have an established relationship with the parent or child but are not the child’s biological parents.  Many are grandparents or great-grandparents or other relatives of a child. Kinship carers are very important to all of us as they step in to love, care and provide for a child who would otherwise go to foster care.  Kinship caregivers are the unsung heroes of family preservation.  I say unsung because they do not get the financial support they deserve. They also struggle deeply with bureaucracy such as custody, child support, government benefits, and childcare. On top of providing basic needs, sometimes a kinship carer's immediate family does not provide the emotional and practical support that was hoped for.  Many are faced with tough decisions such as removing custody ...

  While we collectively experienced the pandemic of 2020, it collided with all the other events that happen to each person on the planet.   Even during this monumental world event, we still have to make money, feed our families and keep our mental health in check.  All of it takes a lot of energy.  Looking back, it seems like the world went into survival mode and we are just now starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.   Entering back into the student role again in my 50’s has been interesting and it seems I am once again being thrust into a new Heroine’s Journey ( highly recommend these 9 podcasts about that! ).   Biology is king (and queen) in genealogy.  Should adoptive relatives be added to your tree when they aren’t truly your genealogy? (you can ponder that ongoing debate for yourself.) For me personally, in 2020, I experienced several events collide at the same time: my husband’s near-fatal heart attack, a family member’s me...

When I was growing up, like many others, I was fascinated by Alex Haley’s miniseries, “Roots”.  It aired in 1977 when I was 11.  I hung onto every word of every episode.  When I was older, and I could get the entire miniseries at the library, I checked it out and watched it again.  I believe the reason that show had such an impact on me was because the story of Kunta Kinte was passed down through his ancestors.  Each generation kept the story intact for the next and it connected them all to each other.  They were proud of who they were, and they never forgot where they came from.  This knowledge of their people gave them an identity during years of slavery, separation and other traumas they endured.  I longed for the family stories of my ancestors as a child.  I would have given anything to have an accurate understanding of who my people were and what kinds of challenges they overcame – to know what they valued, loved and why I came to be sep...

Dear readers and followers, thank you for coming along on this journey with me over the years of processing adoption stuff and searching for my biological father.   I never thought I would be able to post this blog and say, "It's a wrap!"  The search ended this year with learning about my paternal side.   I recently presented my search story to the Montgomery County Ohio Genealogical Society/DNA Interest Group, of which I am a member.   I am slowly working on my memoir, so that will hopefully be published by 2021. If you don't see much blogging going on at this site, it's because I am focusing on other areas of my life.   Again, thank you to the friends and followers who have been my "angels" during this season of my life. For more recent content, you can follow my blog Facebook page here .

One of the things that adoptive parents are told as it relates to their adopted kids is that there is enough room in the child’s heart to love more than one set of parents. It's similar to how parents can love more than one kid.   I have always believed this to be true and my parenting reflects this belief.   However, does this still hold true when an adoptee is an adult and has already established a life of their own prior to reunion?  Is there REALLY room for reunion from an adoptee’s perspective?  I think the answer is many times no.   I think sometimes an extra set of parents, along with their established families, may not be desired by some.  Understandably, this is hard for first mothers, especially, to accept.  Of course, there are many good reunions.   But because I am not currently part of one, I have spent a lot of time talking to other adoptees and examining why.   I have found in my own reunion, although I wan...

We learn in the context of other people’s questions*.   I wrote these words down on a sheet of paper on Thursday. On Friday night, I watched this concept come to fruition during #adoptionhappyhour with Indiana Adoptee Network, which featured a panel of threemale late-discovery adoptees . (Please join us here! ) Not being an LDA myself, I turned to the internet for research : “The few studies that exist indicate that the late discovery of adoption is linked to psychological distress and feelings of anger, betrayal, depression, and anxiety. ” This should be no surprise considering many LDAs learn that almost everyone in their family knew they were adopted but kept the secret along with their parents. As someone who grew up knowing from a very young age I was adopted, it’s unfathomable to imagine learning this vital information as a young adult or in middle age.   As I listened to their stories, I hung on almost every word, imagining what it must be like.  S...